[April Fools] Introducing Our Newest Mind-Blowing Feature!
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[April Fools] Introducing Our Newest Mind-Blowing Feature!

After redefining how businesses engage with customers using our Call Control platform, Telnyx is again blazing the trail for the future of communications.
With the launch of our latest feature, customers will enter a new dimension of Call Control unlike anything the world has ever seen! Imagine driving customers through your sales funnel in mere seconds rather than weeks, months or years. We’re talking 100% conversion rates, every time!
Introducing Programmatic Mind Control from Telnyx.
Developed in-house by a team of expert engineers and our resident telepath, Gary, Programmatic Mind Control gives you unparalleled visibility into the thoughts, desires and deepest fears of your customers.

Use Cases

Looking to streamline your customer support processes? No problem! With Programmatic Mind Control, your customers won’t even remember why they called! They’ll wake up weeks later in a field somewhere without the slightest idea who they are or how they got there. They’ll simply know that they love your company and its amazing customer support.
They’ll become loyal brand champions in seconds with no reservations or awareness of any kind. Have them buy your product, download your app or do your laundry — they work for you now.
Need to raise an army of the unwilling? Programmatic Mind Control is the unconscionable tool you’ve been waiting for!

So how does it work?

Magic? Mostly. But we’re also really good at science.
Our patented app-to-brain (A2B) interface transmits a real-time signal between your application and the customer’s brain, so you can analyze, manage and take unthinkable control of the customer experience from the moment they pick up the phone.
Our A2B signals infiltrate the brain through the auditory nerve, firing an unnecessary number of magnetic pulses at the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for cognitive decision making). The rest is highly technical and, as they say, a trade secret.
The brain signals are then recorded and transmitted back to your app for analysis faster than the customer can say “hello.” The whole process is instantaneous and excruciatingly painful.
Ready to learn more about this wildly unethical feature? Give us a call for a customized demo.
Once you’ve seen for yourself what Programmatic Mind Control can do, you won’t be able to say no.
Literally.
April Fools!
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